This is the nail
/This is the nail
This is the nail
By Rod Kane
This is the nail
..that sparked all my fears
Of maintenance imperative, painting, repairs
The portico leaked, just a rusty old nail
But it wasn’t just one, the whole roof was a fail
So up there I goes and a thousand comes out
For screws to go in, all shiny and stout
I needed some tools to give me a hand
Airless sprayer, and scaffolding which cost me two grand
Then all the paint, 50 litres in all
The poor little cheque book was starting to pall
I painted the roof, the bargeboards, and spouting
My poor little arsehole was coughing and pouting
When I finished all that the wife was emphatic
”do both the awnings”... I wasn’t ecstatic
I envisioned six weeks, but Oh what a bummer
Not just the holidays, the whole fuckin summer
So the next time a nail falls at my feet
I’ll stand on the bastard and not miss a beat...